It’s Thursday night, and I don’t know why I am so sad.
There are a few clues: It’s eclipse season, and this spring’s eclipses are hitting me especially hard. So part of what I am feeling is emotional muck stirred up from the bottom of the pond–i.e., from the depths of my being.
There’s not really a reason I should be feeling as blue as I am right now, but blue I am. That in and of itself is a big clue as to the nature, the value, and the purpose of emotions.
They simply are.
We do not have to be able to understand them in order to honor them. Conversely, if they make no logical sense to us, that does not mean we can simply stop feeling them.
Emotions are. They exist. We feel what we feel, and that is all the justification we need.
Trust me, there are many times when I would prefer not to have to feel what I am feeling. You, too? Many times when I just want the grey clouds to blow away and my sunny, optimistic nature to return. And I know it will. In divine order.
Spirit gave me a beautiful download about emotions for a class I taught recently.
“Emotions are always real, but they are not necessarily true,” the angels told me.
This is because our emotions are often not in present time, and sometimes they’re not even ours.
A few nights ago, after our usual bedtime chat, I texted goodnight to my girlfriend. As she put down her phone, she felt a wave of sadness pass over her–a brief feeling of deep depression.
Yup. That was mine. She felt it because she is so deeply emotionally and energetically attuned to me. Feeling someone else’s emotions is not uncommon, especially for folks who are empathic or clairsentient. Sometimes we feel the emotional energy of the collective. Now that can be overwhelming.
Going back to my sadness–not that I really want to–I suspect that only a little bit of it is about what I am living through right now. A big chunk of it is stress and fear about the future–I am facing some unexpected changes–and another big piece of it is a trigger connected to my past. My one-year-old self has an abandonment button and my girlfriend’s travel plans activated it, even though mentally I am all good with her current excursion.
Sigh.
I’m an Aries with Leo rising. Fire, baby, fire. I like sitting in my emotions about as much as cats like walking through puddles. Which is to say, not at all.
It helps, though, to remember that, like the weather, emotions eventually pass. It helps to remember that just because my inner child is upset, that doesn’t mean my adult self feels those same emotions. It helps to remember that, although what I am feeling is entirely valid, it’s not really the truth of my life right now.
I still have to get through those emotions, of course. I have to feel them until they are done. So I do what I so often do–I write. Writing is one of my anchors of self. I lean into it when times are hard. The words on the page move a little of the energy out of my space. That, and a cup of warm tea, and a timely appointment with my therapist tomorrow morning.
This too shall pass.
